goblin cartoons

The adventures of Joshua M. Neff, the Cartoon Goblin

The Great Play

May 16th, 2012

Even before I started seeing a therapist, I thought of therapy and dealing with my issues as “the Great Work.” In part because I’m a grandiose motherfucker, but also because the idea of getting over my mental issues seemed like a huge amount of work.

This past weekend, I tore through Austin Kleon’s Steal Like an Artist (which is one of those books that kicked me in the eye and demanded I reread it a few hundred more times, taking it all to heart). I read the book with the idea it would help me kick my own ass to write more prose, but I started thinking about all of the ways I could apply the book to my life, all the ways in which I am and can be creative. I realized therapy is one of those creative outlets for me. It’s not something I put up with, it’s not a chore, it’s something I want to do.

Since then, I’ve started thinking of therapy as creative play, no different from playing guitar or sketching or writing. My overall mood has lightened and my attitude towards my anxiety and depression has changed. I’m not seeing myself as “broken” or “sick,” but as “a work in progress.” I’m finding myself eager to practice what I’m learning in therapy, just as I’m finding myself more eager to write and exercise my creativity in other ways.

I don’t know that this is a profound change of perspective, but it’s very important to me and is having a very positive effect on my outlook and, um, inlook (as in looking in at myself, you dig?). I need more play in my life, anyway. Doesn’t everyone?

Posted in anxiety, self-awareness, therapy | 2 Comments »

Why I’m Here

May 13th, 2012

I’ve been blogging for about 11 years. I’ve been on Twitter for 5 years. I joined Facebook pretty much as soon as it opened to everyone (besides university and high school students) and joined Google+ as soon as it went live in beta. Why?

As I’ve said, I’m an extrovert. I love making new friends and meeting like-minded people. As shy as I can be in person, I’m pretty bold and outgoing online. I’ll charge in like gangbusters and throw myself to people I think are smart, funny, kind, geeky and frighteningly interesting. If I like you, I let you know it in as clear a way as I can and I’ll happily share my fears and anxieties, my passions and inspirations, and my hopes and dreams with you. Maybe it’s obnoxious, but…fuck it, I’d rather wear my heart on my sleeve and honestly show my interest and enthusiasm for people I like.

In that spirit, I ask of you all this: please share this blog, my Twitter account, my Google+ account–hell, even my Facebook account, even though I’m not a huge fan of Facebook–with people you think might dig what I write about. Not because I’m looking for fame or fortune or glory, but simply because I like meeting new people and making new friends with people I have things in common with. I’m not looking to be indiscriminately promoted, but if you think someone might like what I write about, please send me their way. And please feel free to leave comments on this blog or start conversations with me elsewhere on the interwebs, and if you’d like, please drop me a line and start up a conversation with me. I don’t think it’s possible to have too many friends, so please do what you can to connect me to people you think I’d like (and who would like me).

And if you’re already one of those people who leaves comments here or who talks with me on Twitter, Google+, Facebook or other social sites: thank you. I sincerely appreciate the feedback and engagement, the support and encouragement. I’ve made some amazing friends online over the years, and I’m always thrilled to make more friends. Let’s dance on!

Posted in blatant self-promotion, meta-babble, self-awareness | No Comments »

Avengers Assembled

May 5th, 2012

I saw The Avengers this afternoon. While I knew I wouldn’t like it as much as the comics, I figured I’d like it. I just didn’t realize how much I’d like it. The Avengers is…really, really fucking great. Every actor does a terrific job, it’s got fantastic special effects out the wazoo, but what I really loved about it is the writing.

No, I’m not talking about the trademark Joss Whedon dialogue, although there’s a lot of it in the movie and it’s great. Zak Penn and Joss Whedon have written a movie that combines the best of Silver Age Marvel Comics with contemporary big-budget action movies and Whedon’s best existentialist thoughts on heroism.

The Avengers have always been a team of quarrelsome, peevish heroes who step on each other’s toes as much as they beat on the bad guys. They argue and brawl amongst themselves, they get moody and question if what they’re doing is right, but in the end, they come together and back each other up. That’s exactly what we get in the movie, and for old school comics fans, it’s wonderful to see. There’s a lot of big budget, special effects explodey, but there’s also a lot of well-written, character-driven emotey stuff. There’s great interplay between Tony Stark and Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton, Thor and Loki, Tony Stark and Bruce Banner, and Nick Fury and Maria Hill.

Natasha “Black Widow” Romanoff stood out to me in particular. She gets the kind of treatment that, sadly, few people besides Joss Whedon would give her. She gets a lot to do in the movie, including a number of scenes that set her up to look like a typical Hollywood female character, only to have it turned on its ear. She’s strong, smart, caring, and not prioritized with attracting men. She plays a major role in ways that I wasn’t expecting. I was happily surprised.

Similar to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly and Serenity, and Dollhouse, The Avengers features protagonists who take on the role of hero because somebody has to do it and they want to make a difference. There’s no higher power, no moral absolute to appeal to. In a chaotic, uncaring universe, full of people who don’t give a damn, the protagonists choose to help and protect people, to fight against tyranny and destruction, to sacrifice themselves to save others. These are the kinds of heroes I like to see.

The Avengers is a hell of a lot of fun. It’s also stirring and inspiring. From start to finish, it’s a fantastic ride. I kind of love it a lot.

Posted in movies, superheroes | 2 Comments »

The Best Canvas

May 3rd, 2012

Thanks to a multimedia onslaught, I doubt there’s anyone reading this who doesn’t know that The Avengers movie opens this weekend. Although I was torn at first, I’ve changed my mind, and I’m really excited to see The Avengers as soon as I can. I think it’s going to be a hell of a lot of fun.

That being said, if superhero movies are on the wane (and with the money The Avengers is looking to pull in, it doesn’t look like they are), I wouldn’t care. In fact, I don’t really care if any more superhero movies are made. I mean, I’ve liked the Iron Man movies a lot. Thor and Captain America were a hell of a lot of fun. And I’m apparently one of the few people who didn’t think Green Lantern sucked. But as much as I’ve liked them, all of these movies have made something very clear to me: live-action superhero movies will never be as good as comics.

Yeah, I know, people always say, “The book was better than the movie.” That’s not what I’m talking about. Books aren’t a visual medium. Comics are. Film is, too. Adapting superhero comics into movies is adapting one visual medium to another. And there are things you can do in comics that you simply can’t do in movies.

For one thing, as anyone who has watched the 1960s Batman TV show knows, people generally look really stupid in superhero tights. It’s why Batman’s costume in the movies has gotten to be more and more like armor, less and less like tights. It’s why the X-Men in the movies where black leather instead of colorful spandex. It’s why the Hawkeye of the Avengers movie doesn’t wear the purple costume he wears in the comics. Even Captain America’s traditional costume only shows up in the movie as a joke about showbiz glitz. I love colorful, goofy superhero costumes, but what looks cool in comics can look really lame in live-action.

Superhero stories in the comics frequently go from street-level gritty and slice-of-life comical to monumentally, cosmically epic. But with a few exceptions (the Thor and Green Lantern movies come to mind–and the Avengers movie looks to be pretty damn epic), filmmakers and studios shy away from the really big stuff. The first Fantastic Four movie has the team save Manhattan–but mostly themselves–from a snarky, small-minded Doctor Doom. Where was Doom’s time machine? His gadgets that shrunk the Four into a microscopic universe? His claim to be the rightful ruler of Latveria? Why is Superman always saving Metropolis or the U.S. from Lex Luthor when he could be saving the world from Brainiac? Why don’t the X-Men fight Magneto on Asteroid M, his rocky base that orbits the Earth, or battle the Sentinels aboard a vast space station? I like my superhero stories to be full of high-level imagination, crazy science, weird mysticism, and cosmic drama, and there are too few examples of this in superhero movies.

The nature of comics also allows for storytelling that has become a mainstay of superhero stories, things that don’t translate to film, like lots of smart ass quips and long bouts of dialogue in the middle of action-packed slugfests. Narration and thought balloons also don’t translate into film without being intrusive to the experience. The biggest way in which Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man movies fell down for me was in Spider-Man’s utter lack of smartass quipping during fights, something that is an essential part of his character in the comics.

I clearly like a good superhero movie. But even the best superhero movie is a poor substitute for superhero comics. For some stories, live-action film is the best canvas. But for superheroes, nothing beats the comics.

Posted in comics, movies, superheroes | No Comments »

United We Stand

May 1st, 2012

Today is International Workers’ Day, a public holiday in many countries that aren’t the United States. In honor of this day, I took the day off work. I realize this is something of a luxury. One hundred years ago, workers wouldn’t have been able to take “vacation time” off. They also wouldn’t have had a work-free weekend like I just had. I have these things because labor unions fought to get them. Even today, some U.S. workers can’t take vacation time whenever they need it. In order to make ends meet, some people have to work two or three jobs, working far more than 40 hours a week. Some people can only get part-time work that doesn’t offer “benefits” like health insurance or paid time off. The time of unions and fighting for workers’ rights isn’t over. Workers are still exploited. Employers will still try to get away with as much as they can and give as little as possible. And many of the job benefits people in the U.S. enjoy and take for granted are a result of unions. So let’s all be thankful. And let’s all keep fighting for better wages, more time off, safer working conditions, health care for all, and other things we deserve and don’t get.

(If you think people don’t deserve these things…I really don’t have anything to say to you, so don’t bother leaving a comment.)

Posted in politics, society | No Comments »

Quoted for Truth

April 26th, 2012

“Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.”

– John Steinbeck

(Actually, I’d say it’s true more of the middle class in America than the poor. Unfortunately, a lot of the middle class in the U.S. these days are living below the poverty line or (as is my case) living paycheck to paycheck, which sides us more with the poor than with the upper classes.)

Posted in politics | 3 Comments »

Ad Astra per Aspera

April 24th, 2012

I generally think of myself as an optimist. Yes, there’s a lot of bad in the world. Yes, a lot of people do terrible things out of fear, anger, uncertainty, selfishness. But I believe humans are capable of so much greatness. I look up at the night sky and think we are capable of moving out into the stars. And I don’t only think we’re capable of doing it, I think it’s imperative that we do.

I’d write about why I think it’s so important, but honestly, Christopher Quarry has already said so in ways that are at least as good as I would (and probably better). So go read “To infinity and beyond” right now. Join Christopher and me in asking “What next?” instead of “What now?”. Let’s move forward. Ever forward.

Posted in science, tech | No Comments »

42

April 21st, 2012

I’m 42 years old now. (Edit: As of this past December.) This morning, I realized…

  • I can finally grow some decent facial hair (if I wanted to, but I don’t);
  • I’m learning to deal with the death of a parent;
  • I’m finally learning how to handle my money and pay down my debts;
  • I’m learning how to deal with my anxiety and depression in a constructive way.

I don’t know if 42 really is the “Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything,” but it’s turning out to be a very significant number to me.

Posted in life, self-awareness | 7 Comments »

A Taxing Experience (I R Serious!)

April 16th, 2012

I tell myself this every year, but I’m publicly swearing this now: next year, I’m doing my taxes as early as possible. The stress of doing my taxes is far less than the anxiety I give myself by putting it off until the past minute.

(This could be said about a lot of other things, too. The anxiety caused by putting things off is much greater than the stress of actually doing them.)

Posted in anxiety, life, self-awareness | No Comments »

Meaning in a Meaningless World

April 14th, 2012

We had a memorial service for my dad this afternoon. I wasn’t really sure what I was going to talk about. Although we had a complicated relationship and I still have some unresolved feelings over things my dad did, I have a lot of good memories of him, and keeping my talk down to a few minutes seemed a bit daunting. But I figured out my focus and talked about my dad’s whimsy, his sense of the absurd, his goofiness, his jokes like, “One man’s fish is another man’s poisson,” the silly songs he made up and the silly walks he would do in public just to get a laugh from the people around him.

My father was a huge Albert Camus fanboy. Camus’ existentialist absurdism infuenced my dad’s sense of humor and my dad’s sense of personal and political activism, which in turn influenced my own sense of humor and sense of personal and political activism. To help illustrate this at the service, I quoted from the TV show Angel, which my dad and I were both fans of. I pasted together these lines Angel speaks in the episode “Epiphany”:

In the greater scheme, in the big picture, nothing we do matters. There’s no grand plan, no big win…If there’s no great glorious end to all this, if…nothing we do matters…then all that matters is what we do. ‘Cause that’s all there is. What we do. Now. Today…All I want to do is help. I want to help because I don’t think people should suffer as they do, because if there’s no bigger meaning, then the smallest act of kindness is the greatest thing in the world.

I don’t think there’s any great meaning to the universe, certainly not anything we humans can comprehend. I don’t believe the cosmos or any deities reward us when we do good things or punish us when we do bad. So why do good? Why help those in need? Why try to ease the suffering of others? Because our actions create the meaning of the universe. Because we can’t get through our tiny lives alone. And because the smallest act of kindness is the greatest thing in the world.

My father’s physical form is gone, but the meaning he created in his life lives on in me, my brother, our children, and the rest of my dad’s family and friends. The absurdity of life goes on.

Let’s not beat around the bush; I love life — that’s my real weakness. I love it so much that I am incapable of imagining what is not life.
– Albert Camus

Posted in life, philosophy, politics | 2 Comments »

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